Saturday, June 25, 2011

Désir Et Déception



La chair est triste. Certains en ont le dégôut, certains en ont la haine. Certains laissent transparaître leur inéluctable besoin d'exercice quotidien. Ils baisent et en redemandent. Il y a ceux qui sont tactiles, et ceux qui foudroient du regard. Il y a ceux qui sentent l'endorphine à des kilomètres à la ronde et d'autres qui possède le pouvoir inné en eux. Qu'on le veut ou pas, c'est de cette humble manière que la Terre a commencé à grouiller, à se multiplier. Le concept de l'amour est culturel. Le sexe est devenu un "trendsetter". Au début, la retenue n'existait pas. Le jeu des fausses promesses et des rêves comme dans les films de Disney n'existaient pas encore.

Il existe en fait plusieurs type d'individu. Les individus "A", comme ceux décrit par le personnage principal du livre. Il existe les individus "B", qui eux sont au milieu, entre l'individu "A" et "C". Il existe finalement les individus "C", qui eux peuvent maitriser la chair ou qui ont réussi à complètement l'irradier de leur vie. J'ai toujours eu, du moins depuis ma tendre enfance, une réelle fascination pour tout ce qui avait trait au monde charnel. J'avais 6 ans et je rêvais à l'amour. Pourtant, les histoires de princesses n'ont jamais suscité particulièrement mon attention. J'avais seulement envie de me balader la nuit, main dans la main, avec un type qui ressemblait à mon père. J'avais envi de me balader sous une nuit étoilé, sans soucis, sans peine.

D'années en années, j'ai cultivé ce goût, avec la vilaine technique de l'essaie-erreur. Je cultivais l'endorphine comme un produit du quotidien. Les amants immatures, les situations insoutenables, les premiers peines d'amours. Mais aujourd'hui, je me suis rendu compte que je suis la même petite fille de 6 ans. À la différence que maintenant, j'ai connu ce que qu'était l'érotisme social. C'est celui qui dicte, celui qui juge, celui qui irrite. Je crois que pour moi, cette facette de ma personnalité est une partie intégrale de mon "moi", de mon existence. Je ne vis pas un jour sans lui goûter, ou du moins, y penser. C'est tout a fait normal.

Et puis après, j'ai connu l'ennui, le mécanique, le complexe de celle qui ne peut être comblée. J'ai mis de côté ce trait de caractère que j'ai toujours soigné. Je le sens tout près. Je crois que la fleur essaie de renaitre. Est-ce le temps de recommencer à zéro? Breathe again...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Here's The Thing

So I’m trying pretty hard to be perfect. Perhaps perfect is too strong of a word; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.

1. Don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate.
2. Never send two texts in a row for the same reason.
3. No Skype chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts on FB, so don’t do that either.
4. Remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right?
5. Don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance.
6. When you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you.
7. Don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure.
8. When he doesn't reply to your text messages, don’t latch onto it because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.

These rules. All these crazy rules I’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. Truth is I can't pretend anymore. I’m not nonchalant. I over-think and scrutinize everything. I have a temper, I'm moody and I can get mad easily. I'm an emotional freak. I'm always needy and hate feeling neglected. I can be intense and i’m definitely jealous at times.

But in essence, at the crux of all this over-analyzation there is a reason why I am like this; you. I just wish you knew how far away I am from nonchalance. If there's one thing I'm sure about myself is that I'm not a person who asks for much, but to simply be acknowledge. I know you will eventually read this post so here's the thing: what i really wish right now (and if you haven't done it so far) is for you to pick up your phone, dial my number and ask me about my day and catch up not matter what time it is. Better yet; be spontaneous, surprise me. Tell me you want to see me and that you want to go out and grab a coffee/ ice cream right now.

I miss the old "us".

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Confession Part III

I've never been so sure of anything. It's like, I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear, and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about. You want to know how I know? Because when I'm with you, I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me. But they don't make me want to run the other direction, like the fear has done before. If anything, they make me want to press myself as close as I can - skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. Because when I do that, the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you. Feel all of you. And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level. It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark- just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before. For the first time in my life, I don't want to run away.

I want to be with you.

Leave Me


Heart aching yet soulful and beautiful...

Friday, June 3, 2011

Day 10 - returnofthechallenge

I'm not going to lie that i've neglected Bonjootea these past few months. It's not that school and work have made me update less, but somehow this semester i felt more or less inspired. I think it almost got to the point where i've lost touch with my writing (Come'on. Admit it. Posts from January to April were repeatedly-stabbing-self melancholy). Taking Scriptwriting class this year have also made it worst; i've never disliked writing so much. But now that classes are over and summer vacation have finally started, i would love to "reconnect" myself with this blog and find the passion that i once had sharing my thoughts to the world.

I actually have a few ideas up my sleeve for Bonjootea this summer. It will not be crème de la crème perfect, but it's definitely a good work in progress. Stay tune! :)

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Day 10 - A photo of your favorite place to eat.

*Let's pretend that I did not forget about the 30 days challenge i've set myself back in January. Let's pretend...*

Disco balls, blaring house/electronic music, graffiti walls, stripper poles... L'Avenue (922 Avenue de Mont-Royal E.) is not your typical restaurant. Located in what i call the hipster villa aka The Plateau, this restaurant serve in my opinion the best breakfast in Montreal. I'm a brunch person and i've have been everywhere for brunch and nothing beat L'Avenue; the food is absolutely amazing and mouthwatering. Good portions, reasonable price, hot waiters, great crowd and bottomless mimosa Thursdays... it has been my go-to place for brunch ever since i was introduced to it two years ago. This place is so great that you'd have to sometimes wait in line to get a seat. But trust me, it's really worth it!



*pictures Dave Y.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Paper Crown

It's a rarity for me to fall in love (literally) with EVERY single item in a fashion line. But Lauren Conrad is no stranger to affordability and simplicity. When she launched her own line Paper Crown, i marveled. LC is not the only Hills alum to put out a fashion line, but she definitely got the most promise so far. The S/S collection includes soft knits, silk blouses, cropped pants, nicely cut blazers and floral prints; hence all the basics women should have in their closet (well with a few exception of the pleather short). All in all, Paper Crown just got my big stamp of approval. I WANT EVERYTHING!!! I wonder if they ship to Canada...? :)













^ My signature look! :)