WANTWANTWANT

Worth The Risk

So the conversation went like so:

Friend: You can never be ready.

Me: You think so?

F: Don't you agree? In life you can never be ready or sure about yourself. It's all about taking the risk and get a hold of your chance while you have it. We make decisions; good or bad but we learn from them. Therefore there's no such thing as being 100% sure about yourself. What's the whole point of growing into loving a person if you have already polish the relationship, making no places for the flaws especially when you're not exclusive? Those type of relationship will never work.

Me: I agree. Are you happy though?

F: I am. Although, i have to admit it happen really quick. I don't regret it.

Me: What made you change your mind?

F: I had a feeling that i was loosing her and i hated it. I can see that she was tired of waiting, almost like she was wasting her time and that she was slowly letting go. So, i decided to step up my game. Like i said, i wasn't ready for it but i just couldn't stand the idea of not having her in my life anymore. Now that it's official, i don't regret it at all.

I Miss You

Mid-June, the year 2000. School just ended and summer had officially started. My friend E was having her birthday/pool party in her backyard. I remember having the time of my life that day. Not only i got to go to the most talked about party in the 5th grade (E was the queen bee of 5th graders), but i also got to dance my very FIRST slow dance with a BOY to my favorite song of all time: I Miss You by Westlife.

Sigh. I don't even know when i'll be able to slow dance again. The last time i slow dance was during prom. Its quite impossible to do so nowadays when in clubs the classic concept of the hands-on-shoulder/hands-on-waist and the twirl disappeared.

That being said, my one wish is to relive that moment; dance to this song again. The reminiscent 5th grader in me is talking (lol)

On-Demand

I remember back then, I was one of those who would spend their Saturday nights at home, watching over-the-top cheesy romantic comedies, eating ice cream in my pjs and day dream about my knight in shinning armor. I was that girl. That girl who looked for love. Not the far-fetched, Korean drama, fairytale kind of love (although i am a dreamer). I looked for the kind of love that would make you smile at the slightest mention of his/her name; the kind of love that gets the best out of you because to his/her eyes, you're special. The kind of love that is real and time consuming. That kind of love. Sadly, i have not encountered that yet. All i got, in the past, from the guys that i was interested in was "I like you...but as a friend." Til this day, that line is like acid to me. Ok, I don't want to sound like i'm bragging, but i think i'm the epitome of the "perfect girlfriend" (please do not burst my bubble, thankyouverymuch!). Seriously, dudes out there would be hella lucky to have me in their life. Down to earth, loving, patient, smart, understanding, knows how to cook and to please the parents...I mean, what more can you ask for?! -sigh- Anyways, that is not my point. My point is, lately, I have tried to focus on some more important issues in my life. Putting aside the unnecessary stuff and start a cleansing process...but that took a surprising turn. I learned that things just happens when you least expect it and they ALL come at the same time. It's hard to describe, so i'd rather present to you the individuals per say.

Exhibit A: The musician

I met him in one of my evening classes last year. We didn't really talk the first semester. All i remember is that he stood out of all the people there because he had a particular style; sort of like Zac Efron meets Kurt Cobain. Quite frankly, you would get the impression that he's dumb because of the way he looks...WRONG! He was the straight A student in that class and the guy spits poetry outta his mouth every time he talks. I was dumbfounded and even more surprised to see him in one of my classes again the following semester. This time, I sat behind him in that class. We started talking when we were paired for a team assignment and since that day, we bonded really well. We had a lot in common; from music to political p.o.v. I was enlighten by his way of thinking and every conversations we had was pleasant. We exchanged numbers and we would sms from time to time. I even went to one of his gigs, a few weeks before i left on vacation.

Exhibit B: The friend of a friend

A friend of ours introduced us two years ago, at my birthday party. My first impression of him was nice and he was a gentleman. That night, after one of my friend ended drinking too much, Mr. X decided to offer him and I a ride home since we lived in the same area. I hesitated at first because I've just met the guy, but I went along with my good judgement and I agreed. Ever since that night, we've always kept in touch online via fb, msn, etc. I never saw him again up until recently. I would have to say it was the most random meeting I've ever had, but I had a great time that day. He's been sms'ing quite often lately too.

Exhibit C: The high school jock

During my first week of class, i ran into an old "friend". Actually he was my high school senior and everyone knew him back then. I couldn't really say the least: he was one of the star basketball player and a big jock. I didn't think he would recognize me at first, but he surprised me he called out my name. The first thing he said to me was "Damn girl, you look fine!". To be honest, i don't know if i should be flattered or insulted by that comment. Nonetheless, i was happy to see him again. We would run into each other from time to time in between classes now and we would regularly talk.

I find it great and overwelming that the guys have shown some sort of interest. I mean, for the first time when i'm not looking, there comes all of them at once. The only problem is, I'm not quite used to this yet. I don't know how to respond to it.

White Flag

"I'm the only one who's capable of filling in your emptiness at the moment. And you know it."

Sadly, i do. I'm stubborn and i often deny anything that reminds me of what the truth really is, but this time i have raised my white flag and silently admitted defeat. Having someone who has known you for such a long time reciting those lines, you just can't lie to yourself anymore. The worst of it all, i have a feeling that anyone who has acknowledge my problems seems to have no guilt whatsoever in their contentment and they mockingly enjoys seeing me sink. But i don't blame them. I would have probably done the same. I'm laughing it off. It's time to cleanse myself and to focus on some more important things right now. Je tourne la page. Carpe diem like Mr. Keating would say. I may be crippled at the moment, but i'm not far from letting it go either.

:)

Synopsis

- Liking my classes so far. Feels good to be a full timer again.
- Have a feeling i'm not going to get along with this asian chick in my classes.
- Scored two interviews this week. Hoping *fingerscrossed* i'd get a job at the 2nd place.
- Finance has been the source of my annoyance and migraine this week.
- On-demand. Slowly breaking out of my shell.
- Been feeling particularly empty, impatient and irritated these past few days.
- NYFW, thus far, was the only things that made me genuinely happy.
- Birthday party is already under some major planning.

Marc Jacobs S/S 2011

Captain Oats + Princess Sparkle

The OC was probably the highlight of my teen years. Every friday, my friends and i would gather around our lunch table, talking and breaking down every details of the episode that aired the night before and of course, gushing over Seth Cohen. We used to also idolizeobsessworship Summer because the girl was hella pretty, had the most amazing fashion sense AND had fish-sex with the hottest fictional dork on the face of the earth! Need i say more? :P Seth and Summer were match made in heaven. Being all nostalgic...let's reminisce and remember one of tv's most memorable couple.

SETH: The point is, that guy doesn’t know, he doesn’t care about who you really are. In fact, he has no idea that every day of 3rd grade, you shared your lunch with that little, skinny squirrel that kept getting his nuts stolen by that fat squirrel.
SUMMER: I hated that mean squirrel!
SETH: And none of those guys were there when you had to read your poem aloud in class and your hand was shaking because you were nervous and you cared what the other kids thought.
SUMMER: Poem? What poem?
SETH: “I… wish I was a mermaid.”
SUMMER: You remember that? That was, like, sixth grade.
SETH: “I… wish I was a mermaid and… was friends with all the fish, a shiny tail and sea shells I- [Summer kisses him] I w-wish.”

SETH: Everything okay?
SUMMER: Yeah. It’s just the holidays can be hard, you know?
SETH: Yeah. Can I help?
SUMMER: You already have.

SUMMER: I mean, you want me to come with you, right?
SETH: Do I want you to come with me? Summer, you’re my little snow angel.

For me, it’s always been you, Summer. It’s always been you. I’ve tried to fight it and I’ve tried to deny it and I can’t, I can’t do it. You’re undeniable.