One last thought

To: You

I guess sometimes the thing that you want the most is the one thing you cannot have. Know that I have never been kidding when I said that I would (and in some ways I have) sacrifice anything, everything for you, because you and me, us and we, and our always, mean that much to me. Desire, I guess, wears us out, leaves us broken. Desire, I guess, can wreck a life. But you know, as tough as wanting something can be, I think the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want or worse don't do what is necessary to get what they want. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me, because you see, I fell in love with you, always with a feeling deep down that there was very little chance of my ever being with you for that "always". Definition of insanity? I guess. But holding true the adage that love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best thing - because at least I loved you with a love unsurpassed and never to be duplicated, completely and without limits, with a depth that not even poets have been able to capture or even describe.

I wish you happiness. I wish you joy. I wish you grace. I hope that your life leaves you filled with overflowing with all that you had hoped, surpassing your every expectation. There is a wonderful benediction that goes something like: "My wish for you: comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunset to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, a heart warmed by family and friends, faith so that you can believe, confidence when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, and finally love to complete your life." I do wish all those things for you. 

I will miss telling you what you mean to me, which is nothing less than what you mean to the world. I will miss finding new and wonderful ways to express my every feelings and thoughts which were numerous, deep and consuming. I will miss telling you how incredible, intelligent, dorky, kind hearted and inspiring you are. You will always find a way to my heart, and no matter what, I will always love you...whether these are three simple words or a statement to you. But while I will hope for the day when you come to me and say "I am yours, for always.", I will choose to move on and to not let my fear of accepting reciprocated feelings stop me from choosing to constantly love others. I don't believe in happy endings, but rather in happy beginnings.

S.