Monday, September 5, 2011

Excerpt

“Have you ever felt like dying because of having a broken heart?” I asked breaking the cold silence around us.

He turns and looks at me, both of his hands still on the steering wheel. He doesn’t say a word, but I can feel that he’s eager to know. Tension was building up.

“Then I’ll let you know. Not being able to sleep and not eating are just the basics. Sleeping but waking up becomes excruciating torture because you don’t know how to separate yourself from reality and from the person you loved. You can’t even tell anyone else because you’re too afraid that they’ll think badly of this person because deep down you know they did nothing wrong. And so, you cry all by yourself, for minutes, for hours. You’re trying to show yourself that there’s still something there even though you know it’s over.

From time to time faint memories of good times would pop up. Certain things will remind you of the love you both used to share. The more you try to erase these memories, the longer the days get. Its feel like you’re breaking up with this person all over again for the next 365 days.

But the thing that hurts the most is that you don’t think they’re even thinking about you. You’re alone and you’re going through this by yourself. That person has already forgotten about you, moved on and is now happy. You sometimes wish you were dead, but you don’t have the courage all because you’re scared –” I paused midway through my sentence and slowly turn to look at him.

His eyes extracted for a minute. His lips parted in surprise. Gradually, his face softened from resentment to something more apologetic. I knew he wasn't expecting to see the droplets of tears rolling down my cheeks.

“– I’m scared that I won’t be able to see you anymore and that you’re permanently gone from my existence.” I managed to say in a soft whisper.