Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Du Jour En Jour

For the last 2 months, whenever someone would come up to me and ask me how am I doing I would simply answer: "Du jour en jour."

If I were to say that I'm doing great, I would be flatly lying to them and to myself. If I were to say that I'm doing terrible I would be showing sign of weakness. Therefore I have decided to settle myself in finding the perfect medium when it came to expressing too little or too much of my feelings. They say some things are better left unsaid... in my case 'unposted'. Contrary to what you believe or see, I did not stop writing. In fact, i wrote every single day whether its a two line phrase or 10 pages worth of material. I got myself accustomed to write every morning and night about what were my thoughts at the moment. Some were dreary while others were self reflective and therapeutic. At the end, i felt like there's progression. The reason why I didn't feel like publishing my posts was because everything i wanted to say wasn't a mystery. I just felt like i had nothing new to offer. Even i at some point thought everything was redundant and over used. You really did not want to suffer as readers to read those posts. Another reason why I didn't feel like sharing my thoughts to the world was because I did not want an answer nor was i looking for one. I just wanted to send the vent out into the void. I know that I could have simply talked about it instead on confining my thoughts but you see I learned that every time people come up to you and say they've been through it all and they give you 'advice' - I discover that a lot of them only help out because it's their 'duty' as caring people to do so but none of them actually take into consideration your feelings. I can probably count on 5 fingers (and barely even) the number of people whom i truly believe to be truthful to me and that genuinely care.

Anyhow, I'm back from this hiatus and hopefully as time progress and as i continue to write in this little 4 year old (already!) blog of mine, I hope to reconnect with the person I used to be and that i'm able to accept the good and the bad that life has to offer.