DongMin's eyes extracted for a minute. His lips parted in surprise. Slowly, his face softened from the anger to something more like apologetic. I knew he wasn't expecting me to cry, but he had done it. For the first time ever, in a really long time, DongMin had managed to make me sincerely cry in front of him. I hated myself for allowing him to see me this way, but there was no other way I would have it. This was the only way I could remind him that I was Kim SuVy, a girl, his best-friend nonetheless - but still a girl - a girl in her own right to have such emotions, after a boy that she liked, was hurting her.
I felt DongMin's hands ease off their grip on me.
"Why can't it just be easy? If you like someone, you tell them. If you don't like someone, you tell them. If you want to be with someone, be with them. If you don't want to be with someone, don't be with them! Why does it have to be so complicated? Isn't love, or something like it, between just two people? You say you like me, you say you want to be with me, so why do you include all these other people around us?! Isn't this, whatever it is, just between us?! Why can't we just -" I lost my words at the crack of my voice. Reaching out, I pushed his arms completely away from me. Turning to face the elevator doors, frantically thinking of how I was going to get away from DongMin as fast as possible, I almost didn't hear him as I pressed the emergency button again.
"God Vy." The words uttered from DongMin sounded like the wind was knocked out of him. Nonetheless, I felt his arms slip around my waist and hold me back. I felt the warmth of his chest against my back as he hugged me backwards.
"What are you doing?" I asked him firmly, refusing to be weak just because I was crying.
"Do you have any fcuken idea we are going to change - we are going to change forever if we're more than friends?"
"I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Vy - I did a lot of thinking when I was away," DongMin confessed.
"Oh, surprise," I said sarcastically.
DongMin ignored my comment. "If I could, I would go back to all those times when I was with you. And at some time during those times, I would've told you at least once how much I liked you. We - our friendship is a curse Vy." DongMin had no idea how his words were just sending daggers into my heart.
"What are you so afraid of?!" I breathed through gritted teeth.
"Of - losing you as my best friend. Because I don't think I can be both to you. I can't be a good boyfriend and a good best friend. What - what would happen if we broke up? I would lose my girlfriend and my best friend." DongMin's words, and their reality, came crashing on top of me at 1,000 mph.
His hands slipped, letting me go. I was so numbed from his words, I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing when I turned around to face him. Staring into the face that I've recognized for so long, in the last 13 years, I could make out every curve on his face and the light in his eyes. "You're so afraid of the outcome, you don't want to take the risk."
DongMin stared back at me for the longest time. "If I'm going to lose you - I, I'd rather it be to Dragon. But that doesn't make me any less angry SuVy."
"So is that what you want DongMin? Me to date Dragon?"
"..."
"Because I'm not going to wait for you anymore. I'm not going to end up 80 and alone - you know that right?"
"..."
"We never worked out because we never tried. We just went on assuming we're only good as best friends. The attraction was there, we just never activated it," I told him, wanting him to see.
"You're saying that like we're a micro-chip or something," he replied.
"Weren't we?" I raised an eyebrow.
DongMin paused. "Am I going to lose you?"
"Forever. This is the last time I'm going to agonize about us anymore DongMin. I'm tired and I'm over it. Unless you say something to convince me, today is the last day I'm going to cry about us. No more chances DongMin. Chances are for sillies who think fools like you will change," I said. "I'm so ready to move on from this, but you're not."
For a while there was nothing but silence that surrounded us.
I felt DongMin's hands ease off their grip on me.
"Why can't it just be easy? If you like someone, you tell them. If you don't like someone, you tell them. If you want to be with someone, be with them. If you don't want to be with someone, don't be with them! Why does it have to be so complicated? Isn't love, or something like it, between just two people? You say you like me, you say you want to be with me, so why do you include all these other people around us?! Isn't this, whatever it is, just between us?! Why can't we just -" I lost my words at the crack of my voice. Reaching out, I pushed his arms completely away from me. Turning to face the elevator doors, frantically thinking of how I was going to get away from DongMin as fast as possible, I almost didn't hear him as I pressed the emergency button again.
"God Vy." The words uttered from DongMin sounded like the wind was knocked out of him. Nonetheless, I felt his arms slip around my waist and hold me back. I felt the warmth of his chest against my back as he hugged me backwards.
"What are you doing?" I asked him firmly, refusing to be weak just because I was crying.
"Do you have any fcuken idea we are going to change - we are going to change forever if we're more than friends?"
"I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Vy - I did a lot of thinking when I was away," DongMin confessed.
"Oh, surprise," I said sarcastically.
DongMin ignored my comment. "If I could, I would go back to all those times when I was with you. And at some time during those times, I would've told you at least once how much I liked you. We - our friendship is a curse Vy." DongMin had no idea how his words were just sending daggers into my heart.
"What are you so afraid of?!" I breathed through gritted teeth.
"Of - losing you as my best friend. Because I don't think I can be both to you. I can't be a good boyfriend and a good best friend. What - what would happen if we broke up? I would lose my girlfriend and my best friend." DongMin's words, and their reality, came crashing on top of me at 1,000 mph.
His hands slipped, letting me go. I was so numbed from his words, I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing when I turned around to face him. Staring into the face that I've recognized for so long, in the last 13 years, I could make out every curve on his face and the light in his eyes. "You're so afraid of the outcome, you don't want to take the risk."
DongMin stared back at me for the longest time. "If I'm going to lose you - I, I'd rather it be to Dragon. But that doesn't make me any less angry SuVy."
"So is that what you want DongMin? Me to date Dragon?"
"..."
"Because I'm not going to wait for you anymore. I'm not going to end up 80 and alone - you know that right?"
"..."
"We never worked out because we never tried. We just went on assuming we're only good as best friends. The attraction was there, we just never activated it," I told him, wanting him to see.
"You're saying that like we're a micro-chip or something," he replied.
"Weren't we?" I raised an eyebrow.
DongMin paused. "Am I going to lose you?"
"Forever. This is the last time I'm going to agonize about us anymore DongMin. I'm tired and I'm over it. Unless you say something to convince me, today is the last day I'm going to cry about us. No more chances DongMin. Chances are for sillies who think fools like you will change," I said. "I'm so ready to move on from this, but you're not."
For a while there was nothing but silence that surrounded us.
----------------
I was introduced to Banana Pancakes by Solangel three years ago. Like anyone who have read the story, we all got attached to the characters: we laughed with them, cried with them and smiled at what seemed to be a one of a kind friendship/relationship. Fast forward to three years today, i was re-reading the story last night and when i got to chapter twenty four, it had my name written all over it. Coincidence? I'm not sure. But this is exactly how i feel at the moment. Word by word. I also wish for things to be simple, whether the outcome is good or bad because while my broken heart is easy to mend, it's a lot harder not having that person in my life anymore...
And for those who are curious, Banana Pancakes does not have a happy ending.
©Solangel. Disclaimer: I do not own the story. This belong to its rightful owner. Copyright Infringement is never intended.
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