So I’m trying pretty hard to be perfect. Perhaps perfect is too strong of a word; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.
1. Don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate.
2. Never send two texts in a row for the same reason.
3. No Skype chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts on FB, so don’t do that either.
4. Remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right?
5. Don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance.
6. When you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you.
7. Don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure.
8. When he doesn't reply to your text messages, don’t latch onto it because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.
These rules. All these crazy rules I’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. Truth is I can't pretend anymore. I’m not nonchalant. I over-think and scrutinize everything. I have a temper, I'm moody and I can get mad easily. I'm an emotional freak. I'm always needy and hate feeling neglected. I can be intense and i’m definitely jealous at times.
But in essence, at the crux of all this over-analyzation there is a reason why I am like this; you. I just wish you knew how far away I am from nonchalance. If there's one thing I'm sure about myself is that I'm not a person who asks for much, but to simply be acknowledge. I know you will eventually read this post so here's the thing: what i really wish right now (and if you haven't done it so far) is for you to pick up your phone, dial my number and ask me about my day and catch up not matter what time it is. Better yet; be spontaneous, surprise me. Tell me you want to see me and that you want to go out and grab a coffee/ ice cream right now.
I miss the old "us".
1. Don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate.
2. Never send two texts in a row for the same reason.
3. No Skype chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts on FB, so don’t do that either.
4. Remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right?
5. Don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance.
6. When you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you.
7. Don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure.
8. When he doesn't reply to your text messages, don’t latch onto it because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.
These rules. All these crazy rules I’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. Truth is I can't pretend anymore. I’m not nonchalant. I over-think and scrutinize everything. I have a temper, I'm moody and I can get mad easily. I'm an emotional freak. I'm always needy and hate feeling neglected. I can be intense and i’m definitely jealous at times.
But in essence, at the crux of all this over-analyzation there is a reason why I am like this; you. I just wish you knew how far away I am from nonchalance. If there's one thing I'm sure about myself is that I'm not a person who asks for much, but to simply be acknowledge. I know you will eventually read this post so here's the thing: what i really wish right now (and if you haven't done it so far) is for you to pick up your phone, dial my number and ask me about my day and catch up not matter what time it is. Better yet; be spontaneous, surprise me. Tell me you want to see me and that you want to go out and grab a coffee/ ice cream right now.
I miss the old "us".
oh hey girl, you and me are similar. i absolutely over think everything, keep count of every thing. even three years into my relationship, i still have insecurity problems and jealousy bouts (remnants of my last relationship where i was almost cheated on?). i have happy phases, where i could care less if my man went out three days in a row and we would only talk for a few minutes at 2am when he'd get home. then i have phases like the one i'm having right now, where i count the days he's with me, and the days he's with his friends, and freak out because the ratio is unsatisfying. it's annoying, to him of course, and to me because i don't wanna be that person. :(
ReplyDeleteit's hard sometimes though. we think guys will just understand the signals we're sending them, but they're completely oblivious. and it's not actually their fault, most of the time.
i know. and the more i think about it, the more i end up blaming myself because i get the feeling that i'm asking for too much when those are not my intentions. i told myself before that i'll never be the demanding/clingy type. it's so unlike me. i was never like this a year ago! but because im in a position where everything is uncertain and that one of us can simply walk away, i feel like it has become a constant battle on my part to keep things together. and sometimes it upsets me because i get the feeling that its not mutual; that i'm the only putting the effort. the inconsistency makes me have doubts of where i'm standing right now.
ReplyDeletei also know the best way to sort things out is to talk about it and tell the person what i'm feeling/thinking right now. but when it comes to talk about it face-to-face, i simply cannot fully express myself because i would have to think twice of the things i have to say and i don't want to come off as being whiny/demanding (although this post sounds exactly like that -_-)
i'm not blaming anyone. it's a known fact that men are oblivious of signals and women are selfish. but i guess like you say, we all go through phases where you simply need to feel/know/see that the "you & i" part of the relationship that you share matter in that person's eyes. i'm the type of person who constantly need to be reminded that i matter in order to find peace with my emotions.